Poems

I am out on a journey

To find my path

A pleasurable task

delayed by math

 

Many fits and starts lost

searching before

No resolution then

today I roar

​

Freedom to live alone

For me, my way

In the manner i choose

my life today

 

I will not squander

This chance today

I have listened

To my story

 

To prepare as we approach December

Learning how

To feel love less

A usual or unusual quandary?

Restrained

Muted

Enjoy only the moment

Then love passes thru

 

It’s a Transient love

That works if like minded

To enjoy the moment

Journey-less

Selfishness

A needed safer road

my heart needs time to heal

Reminders linger

Unhealthy focus on

You and not my life

Painful but needed

 

Are these vestiges

The last lingering

Unhealthy Random

Thoughts of you

 

They bring reminders

Seeing and absorbing

Thoughts not reality

Skill I must master

 

To filter my thoughts

Not tied to actions

Not sacrifice myself

When I fall in love

 

A work in progress

In the light of the early morning haze

The pain finally waning in my heart

This last love has taken so much

It has taken time to heel

It has taken pain to suffer through

It has taken work to see my errs

You lose a piece of your soul

When your best friend must sacrifice you to save herself.

 

But it, this last love, has not taken me

 

In the dusk on a sandy shore

I have found how to relieve this heart

From suffering love in the future

Love for today not tomorrow

Live with compassion and honesty

Look for the same in your partners

Bury that lost love deep in my heart

Safe under my blanket desire to love

​

A resilient smile; leave the rest behind

Deep in my heart, nothing has changed.

 

I will go on, by believing I really did lie in your hospital bed when we you were sick to hold your hand

I will go on, by believing your love for me was real and not a passing fancy.

I will go on, by living up to the values we both once held true: that kindness, compassion, and joy of people are real tangible things that make up a life.

My simple truth: I wed myself to you years ago, and I will stay wedded to you in my heart till death and beyond. I don’t know if my heart will let me act any other way. 

And I can live with that.
 

Phase I   NEW

Praying for a call

That will never come

Praying that my world

Will not come undone

 

Phase II   HOPE

Praying your feelings

Are just buried deep

Praying they've meaning

Both 'wake and asleep

​

Phase III   HEALING

Praying all the days

Go fast and faster

Praying minds forays

Bend to their master

​

Phase IV    FREEDOM

Praying may have helped

Make peaceful my start

Praying helped bury

Love deep in my heart

​

Phase V     NEW LIFE

Praying i keep finding

Beauty in new ways
Praying i will find a
someone to share days
 

Phase VI   HEART

Pray a small part of me

Doesn’t give up the dove

Pray she'll finally see

A man worthy of love
 

Phase VII   END

Praying my health and mind last,

For my version of "just in case..."

Praying her health and mind lasts

My hope to feel one last embrace

Thoughts of you put my mind in gear

Regrets and memories of past years

Break the connection, break the link

Just be sure to call the shrink

 

Time will pass and seasons change

Will I ever want to re-engage?

I break the chain, forget the lily

The connection gone, to engage is silly

 

I do not expect you to reach out to me

To see the man, I have emerged to be

My love for you, so deep, so true

Locked away, in a room built for you

Love is an illusion

When you're in its embrace

There is no confusion

It is the safest place

 

Love is an illusion

Made by your soul

It does not account

For your partners goals

 

Love's always a trust

In folks of like minds

Love's alwayss a chance

If values go and hide

 

I look for the day

When I'm fin'lly free

Of the conflicting way

This love lives in me

 

May it be next year

If memories fade

With me for long life?

Smile and take to the grave

​

But my heart may still dream

Of the joy we had shared

And hope for a scene

Where you once again care